I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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