i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
