this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
