Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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