Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
