I hate your face
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
