My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
