Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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