just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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