Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
