PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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