Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
please come you make the beer taste better
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
