we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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