I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
