Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
