The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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