one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
