Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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