in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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