Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
