Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are the jesus of drinking
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
