the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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