I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
