If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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