38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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