I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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