Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
