Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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