the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
