you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
There's even glitter on my cock...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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