Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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