I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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