well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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