Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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