I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
