I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
