Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
