I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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