she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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