that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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