Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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