i barfeds in our rink
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize