I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
