Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
this hospital has no fireball
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
