This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
