im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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