Three words: puerto rican gang bang
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're a waste of cheezeits
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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