I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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