Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
God, I missed his penis.
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