i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
