Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize