Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
