Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
