Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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