what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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