Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
