We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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