I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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