Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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