I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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