i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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