I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
