It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
