But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
