im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
