I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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