I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize