After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need to align my fucking chakras
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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