I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
