you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
