Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
