your parents love me but you hate me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this will be a night to untag.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
