Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
