i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
