Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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