How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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