Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
