nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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