Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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