I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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