wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
