My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
