I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
