Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
